Judging from the recent flurry of inactivity at the Smugglers’ Inn communal desk, it would seem we have reached another holiday season. A few years back, Smugs initiated a tradition of sending flowers to representatives of companies that we had solicited business from in the previous year. Specifically, those gatekeepers, marketing managers and creative directors who had NOT hired us. Our card thanked these entities for allowing us so much time to come up with brilliant, unexpected advertising for their competitors.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
That was then.
This is now.
The response below was typical.
“Ha! Thanks for the flowers. You made me laugh. I PROMISE you we’ll work together in 2011.”
We congratulated ourselves on our ingenious use of reverse psychology and waited for the work to come in.
We’re still waiting. At present, the number of $75 bouquets that we’ve converted to paying gigs stands at zero. As in zero.
Not surprisingly, this year, we won’t be sending flowers to those who attempt to resist the Smugglers’ Inn Juggernaut. Rather, we will be making charitable donations on their behalf. Don’t get excited, we’re still the same petty, selfish people we blame our parents for becoming. The donations were for five bucks each and the charity is the Red Crescent. The Red Crescent is a disaster relief agency just like the Red Cross, except its area of service is the Middle East. Palestine, Syria, Yemen—all those places. Israel? No, we don’t think so. Curiously, our State Department and Department of Homeland Security take a keen interest in anyone who gives money to the Red Crescent.
We won’t tell you if a donation was made in your name, but we do promise to wave to you should we encounter you in an airport as we run off to the next Smugglers’ Inn assignment. Being on a watch list really isn’t so bad, just allow an extra two hours when you go to the airport for the interrogation and cavity search.
Peace on Earth! Good will to all!