“The Triumph of Spring”

Sandro Botticelli

Italian, 1486

“Spring”

Roger Thorgsvald

Minnesotan, 2011

There’s nothing like a weather joke. Especially if you’re it. Until Smugglers’ Inn Rimini becomes a reality, Smug’s zone of influence extends from the water tower in Blaine all the way to the cement Polar Bear at Polar Chev in N. St. Paul. (Stunning—and they say the Midwest doesn’t have great art.) We have, count ‘em, one location in Minneapolis and today, on this fifth day of spring, freezing rain has been followed by five inches of new snow, making driving to the store for a loaf of overpriced Artisan bread an act of bravery or faith, depending on whether you or a Somali cabbie does the steering.

“Yes, but the snow is so pretty!”

Fie upon you, ignorant stranger! Know you not that snow kills more people each year than sharks? Shoveling snow, especially this spring cement with its added weight of accumulated dog turds and sodden cigarette butts, is the leading cause of heart attacks among Lutheran males of a certain age. Look it up. “Snow is pretty?” Are the ambulances that cart the fallen to Minnesota’s 24 cardiac centers pretty? To you, maybe. Their flashing lights probably remind you of Christmas.

Clearly, there’s some cabin fever at work here. Before we start looking at each other and imagining steaming hams and turkey legs like in some Tex Avery cartoon, we ask your help in finding something for the staff at Smugglers’ Inn to do. And, hopefully, someplace else to do it.

To that end, we’ve published a list of businesses that, we’re convinced, need but a coy smile from us before they call, begging to employ the creative geniuses who thought of turning a theme restaurant into an advertising boutique. In Blaine. If you don’t see yourself on the list, fear not. New York and Chicago are temperate to us and even Canada can boast great bodies of water in liquid form. Dentsu Siberia? We may need to get back to you.

AAC Saatchi & Saatchi, Bermuda

Ogilvy & Mather Hawaii, Honolulu

Crispin Porter + Bogusky, Miami

Droga5, Sydney

Grey Global, San Antonio

Prestige Marketing, Barbados

The Jupiter Drawing Room, Cape Town

Zimmerman and Partners, Fort Lauderdale

The Harris Agency, Honolulu

GSD&M, Austin

Strascina Strascina Garcia, Albuquerque

TBWA, Paris

The Richards Group, Dallas

Kessels Kramer, Amsterdam

Saatchi & Saatchi, Sydney

3 Advertising, Albuquerque

Anson-Stoner, Orlando

DDB, Milano

Grey, Paris

Draft FCB, Cape Town

Clemenger BBDO, Melbourne

Lowe Australia

The Campaign Palace, Melbourne

JWT, Sydney

OgilvyOne Worldwide, San Antonio

Saatchi & Saatchi, Aukland

Droga5, Sydney

M&C Saatchi, Australia

The French Laundry, Yountville (we cook)

Ogilvy & Mather, Barbados

Leo Burnett, Bangkok

Lowe Bull, Cape Town

Red Cell, Darlinghurst

Publicis Lowe, Sydney

Tiempo BBDO, Barcelona

DCS Comunicacoes, Porto Alegre (no idea, but it sounds warm)