Smugglers' Inn in hot water again.

by James J. Grennel,

crime reporter,

Anoka County Shopper

Special Summer Safety edition

Early Wednesday morning, Blaine Police responded to a complaint of a boisterous, after-hours party at Smugglers’ Inn, a restaurant and bar adjacent to the Northtown Shopping Center complex. At approximately 2. a.m., patrolwoman Corrine Chessman arrived at the establishment and reported finding the front door propped open, in violation of a city ordinance specifying that all establishments serving liquor remain closed with their doors locked from 1:00 AM until 6 AM. Chessman entered and followed the sounds of loud voices and music to the kitchen area, whereupon she encountered “eight or nine” employees of the bar/restaurant. The employees were gathered around a man who was, according to Officer Chessman, ”doing back-flips one after another like one of those of wind-up toy dogs you used to be able to get at Spencer Gifts. Before they closed, I mean.” Because alcohol was present and it was not immediately clear that everyone was of legal age, patrolwoman Chessman started asking for I.D.’s. At this point, the individual who had been doing the back flips hurled a foul-smelling substance in Officer Chessman's face and fled. Chessman fears the substance was human waste. “I remember seeing that in “Lock-up:Raw” and thinking, “What kind of animal would throw his own feces?” This is clearly an individual who’s done hard time. I suspect he was afraid of being written up for a parole violation--he took off like a shot.” The officer drove herself to the emergency Ward of Coon Rapids General Hospital, where antibiotics and anti-viral drugs were administered.

Smugglers’ Inn has not been able to provide information as to the identity of the officer’s assailant, who is described as short, with a rangy build and bright red hair. The management maintains that the individual in question was not an employee, but just “some joker” who had been observed drinking alone in the bar. They offered no explanation as to why this person was in an area of the restaurant off-limits to customers or how he came to be dressed in the checked pants and white shirt of a kitchen worker. “Clearly, we are disappointed with the judgement our employees showed here,” explained a spokesman for the restaurant and sometimes ad agency. “They know the cops come whenever anyone farts.”

Smugglers’ Inn reported that they wished to send flowers to officer Chessman, who, at the time of this writing, was at home recovering after a bout of migraines. Chessman, a Gulf War veteran, suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder.