Ladka from "Taxi" to read Smugglers' Inn theme song.

by Lindsay Cheltenham-Pierce, society reporter, Anoka County Shopper

“This is a great day for Smugglers’ Inn and a great day for fans of Taxi,” said a spokesman for the restaurant and sometimes ad agency who spoke with me earlier in the week. The occasion was the announcement that yet another celebrity would be performing “The Ballad of Smugglers’ Inn” during the upcoming charity event known as Soupstock. Previous assertions by Smugglers’ Inn that Shakira or Garth Brooks would be doing those 

honors have proven false.

“I mean, like, we’d still love to hear someone SING it, but after spending all that money just to get blown off by these big stars, we had to set our sights a little lower. Lagos (Lagos Entertainment, the promoters of the event) suggested Latka. The dude that played Latka, Andy Kaufman, does this spoken word stuff. I don’t really understand it. He’s a performance artist. I guess for the last 26 years, he’s been pretending to be dead, so there should be massive interest.”

When asked about their disappointing experiences with Mr. Brooks and Ms. Shakira, Smugglers’ Inn was sanguine.

“We have a saying we have the service industry: people suck. You spend thousands of dollars just getting to these stars. Their handlers just lead you on and you write them checks and then, nothing happens. Thank god, the people at Lagos are going to reimburse us for those expenses, plus the cost of 400 Shakira sings Smugglers’ Inn T-shirts and whatever we spent on those felt cowboy hats with “Garth Brooks and Smugglers Inn”. It’s all good. Except for the part about having to wait to get paid; that isn’t good.”

A date for the Soupstock, which seeks to raise money to help restaurants and hotels that have paid out more than $1,000 in fines after hiring undocumented workers, still has not been set. Calls to the promoters were not returned.

As for Andy Kaufman being alive, rumors to that effect have circulated since the comic’s death was announced in 1984. Several internet sites are dedicated to the theory that the famous hoaxer re-emerged 20 years later with a new identity—Lady Gaga.